Bottled Water For The Stupid}

Bottled Water For The Stupid

by

Freelance Retired

When you are in the store passing by the racks of bottled water don’t be subliminally manipulated. Look at the branding image on the bottle of water. Yes, I know branding hurts cattle. If you are not careful the branding or water will hurt you too. Mountain cool clear refreshing streams of water cascading the air amidst rainbows and pristine lands. Sorry to disrupt that train of watery thought. Your bottled water didn’t come from that image (which is manually drawn, or a retouched photo). It came from tap water affectionately called a public water supply.

If because you’re a member of the elite that bottled water:

is not from a water tap

is a separate delivery system from the public’s supply

maintains the illusion that your water is special

your H2O is not like anyone else

tastes better

your water really come from the image on the bottle.

is some how purer the tap water.

Water is water. Water with every thing in it removed (an oxymoron) is distilled water. The standard for bottled water is tap water. Yes, my dear reader, I’m aware that some city’s water stinks and or tastes unpleasant. You do have a choice. Drink it or not drink it.

Bottled water purchases have grown by 10% a year. Bottled water is vying for 2nd place with beer, coffee and milk. In first place is soda.

In Greensboro you pay $ 4.80 for 3 units of water. Each unit is 748 gallons. That means a gallon of the 3 units cost $ 0.00213 cents a gallon. Of course this is less than a penny a gallon, what a bargain.

Costco will sell me their bottled water for $ 4.06 for 591.5 ounces. The cheapest in my search last week. Let us go back to high school again:

128 ounces per gallon

32 ounces per quart

$0.00686 per ounce or $ 0.8785 per gallon is what I would pay. So Costco’s water is 412.44% more expensive than Greensboro’s water per gallon. Please don’t run out and boycott Costco stores. There are many more brands of bottled water with a price greatly exceeding Costco’s in your very own supermarket chain. I think you are about to ask me a question that might end our amicable relationship.

Why would anyone pay this much for a gallon of water? In one word stupidity. Ah thank goodness you’re still here. No insult intended. Sales of the number one beverage have stagnated. Beer, coffee and milk sales aren’t increasing. I believe, but can’t prove it, that something like this happened.

How would you Greensboro water company like to make profits of 412 %. That question would be asked in the posh meeting room of a 5 star hotel. The attendees would be the movers and shakers of water supply companies. A multimedia array of screens would highlight some PR firm’s marketing pitch. You must convey an image for your product that is unique, valuable and not found elsewhere.

You are not selling ordinary dirty tap water. Only the elite and intelligent will sip the environmentally sourced clean non-toxic water of Mother Earth. Your water isn’t sent down some under ground pipe with that of the public. Yours is personally packaged and delivered to you in transparent containers allowing you to view its purity and attest to its quality control. No dangerous copper or PVC pipes for you. No digging around in the dirt for you. If you play with dirt then you are bound to get dirty. You need water why not use the best water to be the best you can be? You know the answer. A better you is a richer you.

A water executive asks How can you do that?

Remember pet rocks? The adman asks. When you care to send the very best card. Who do you buy from. What coffee is good to the last drop. Why does a man buy a diamond for his future bride? Why not emeralds or rubies. It is branding and image setting, a subliminal ad here and there. Everyone loves a unique selling point that distinguishes one brand from among the many. A campaign tells the consumer what to buy, why to buy, and most important to buy now!

The screens dim and the house lights return amidst the applause. Business buys advertising because it generates more revenue than not advertising. When it doesn’t they find another firm that will make revenues grow. Firms don’t advertise on super bowl day because they love football. They do it to make more money.

Do you really think the contents of the newspaper are random or accidental? As every married man will tell you. Sit on the bed and let your wife select what you’re wearing today.

So I have this suggestion that won’t make me rich but will save you much money. I will accept donations. So please go to my website at www.rnewton.net and send a check, postal money order or cash to my mailing address listed there.

Buy a water filter for your faucet or a whole house filter for your home. Buy your own water containers or reuse water bottles to advertise your superb taste. No one will know that you’re saving money. It’s not cool to indicate an ability to not afford the best.

Until next time drink smart, right and as required for your wallet’s sake.

Just a freelance writer who retired from IBM. Through the years I’ve built websites for mentoring students on the SAT, GED, and Personal Finance. I enjoyed the students and their performance. Visit or email from

rnewton.net/wordpress/

. See you there.

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Bottled Water For The Stupid}